Being Authentic in an Unjust World
Can you really “bring your whole self” to work?
Or is being your authentic self getting cancelled along with DEI?
We’re halfway through 2025, and so far (in my experience) it’s been a dumpster fire of a year. American tariffs have increased global prices, which have increased global layoffs, which have increased global stress. And those are just a few of many socio-economic problems that I’m lumping together and calling “Tr-mp Trauma”.
But even before the cancellation of DEI and “wokeness”, the dangers of bringing your whole self to work were already well documented, like in this article from the Globe and Mail which says:
“Bringing your whole self to your job can be challenging at best and career limiting at worst, specifically for marginalized and racialized peoples.”
More recently, this data from MHFA England showed that:
“82% [of survey respondents] think it's important people are able to bring their whole self to work, but only 41% of people feel they can, and only 31% felt their colleagues could do so in practice.”
But some companies insist they do encourage folks to bring their whole selves to work. The UK even has a whole campaign for it.
So where’s the disconnect? And what does “bringing your whole self” even mean?
What is authenticity?
I was asked that question recently when I spoke at the canfitpro Global Conference on the topic of Mental Health, Productivity & Performance. An Asian-presenting woman asked our panel what authenticity meant to each of us, which honestly made me think hard. Authenticity is one of those concepts that sounds obvious — until you try to articulate it.
In the Globe and Mail article mentioned above, one Black employee described authenticity as ”having the agency to pick and choose the parts of your identity you bring to the workplace”. It also quoted a Black HR leader as saying: “bringing our full selves to work essentially means you are able to be yourself…you don’t have to modify your speech pattern, you don’t have to minimize an accent, you don’t have to say to yourself, ‘Oh, this hairstyle will not please the predominant culture that’s in my workplace.’”
I like these definitions, and they make sense to me. They also highlight a key point: being authentic requires knowing who you are, which includes knowing what you want, need, and feel.
And if your whole life has been lived under systemic inequity, oppression and discrimination, knowing who you are — who you really are — can be really, really hard.
Case study: authenticity in work-life balance
One coachee’s recent experience showed how just hard it is to stay true to ourselves — even with the best of intentions — amidst the day-to-day grind of work-life.
“Sindy” (not her real name) had just attended a work event while she was on staycation, even though she’d set a goal to maintain firm boundaries between her work and personal time. But she didn’t notice the inconsistency until she slowed down and processed it.
When we talked it through, she realized that at the time, she wasn’t consciously choosing her job over her personal life. If it had been that obvious, she would have told her boss “no!”
Instead, her boss had very nicely asked her, “We’d like you to go, which of these dates can you attend?” And although all the dates were during her approved time off, it was such a familiar routine to schedule her life around her work that she automatically chose the least bad date rather than saying no outright.
I say this without any criticism or judgment of Sindy’s actions. This is just one example of what happens to all of us, including me. Workplace demands, social pressures, and systemic inequity create economic, cultural, and mental barriers to change.
What I found more noteworthy was that Sindy couldn’t initially say what she wanted for herself. When I asked her if she’d even wanted to go to the event — first she talked about how her nice boss wasn’t intentionally encroaching on her personal time; then about the reasons it was a good career move to attend the event; and finally how she’d asked them to reschedule to a date when she wasn’t on vacation, but that timing didn’t work for the company.
These are all good considerations, and the point of this story isn’t whether Sindy should or shouldn’t have gone.
When it comes to authenticity, it’s more important for Sindy to know whether she wanted to go, regardless of what her boss wanted.
And this is where our family of origin, cultural context, and social (in)equity affect us unconsciously. Sindy, an East Asian-American woman, had a history of:
Family pressures that never asked for or considered what she wanted;
Social pressures that equated her personal desires with selfishness; and
Workplace pressures that valued production and effort over human needs and feelings.
These pressures can become a vicious cycle where they reinforce each other and get exacerbated by “model minority” myths, gender bias, and multi-generational colonialism.
If you’re resonating with any of this, then maybe you’ve also had difficulty separating who you are and what you want from who they want you to be, what they want from you. I know I have!
It wasn’t until I Changed My Lens by learning about trauma and un-learning colonial ideas that I began to be free. Gradually, I disconnected from internalized beliefs that weren’t mine, and connected with my true self and my authentic desires.
Source: Spice Girls GIF
Have you ever felt disconnected from knowing what you want (what you really, really want)?! If your answer is “yes!”, then you might find this helpful:
Five Steps for Authentic Self-Connection
Step 1: Pause
I know it’s hard to slow down when the world demands we speed up. But even in a “fast-paced environment” where you’re supposed to respond instantaneously, it’s possible to buy yourself time (e.g. “I’ll get back to you ASAP”) to pause and consider how you feel and what you want.
In Sindy’s case, she committed to pausing before responding to any future requests on her schedule unless she immediately wanted to say “YES!” She wasn’t afraid to say no to her boss; she just needed the space and clarity to decide if that was the right choice.
Even better, Sindy recognized that this pause would also improve her home life by helping her distinguish which of her kids’ activities and social demands were must-dos, should-dos or want-to-dos.
Pausing sounds easy, but actually doing it can be hard — especially if you’ve been conditioned to say “how high?” when they say “jump!” That’s because the more we repeat the same response to a stimulus, the stronger those neural connections become in our brain. Which is why the next step is…
Step 2: Practice Mind-Body Exercises
Breaking old habits and patterns of thought aren’t easy, as Sindy discovered. She knew that she wanted more time with her family, and she even set an intention to make that happen this year. But her boss’ polite request to rearrange her schedule triggered unconscious thoughts like “work comes first” and old fears of unworthiness and disappointing others.
And that’s normal. Our brains store habitual, repeated actions in our implicit (procedural) memory system — which is why we don’t have to re-learn how to brush our teeth or tie our shoes every day.
The downside is, it also stores ingrained, unwanted beliefs and behaviours — which is what makes them so automated and hard to change.
That’s why it helps to pair mind-body exercises with our mindful intentions. In the long term, mindfulness helps grow our neuroplasticity, improving access to new ways of thinking, being, and doing.
In the short term, certain mind-body exercises can reduce anxiety and increase self-awareness. Practicing these exercises while you’re pausing can help you remember what you know to be true, without being overwhelmed by emotion.
One type of mind-body practice I like for this purpose is bilateral stimulation, because it “helps you process information more holistically” by enhancing the connection between both sides of your brain. It’s used in psychotherapies like EMDR, but you can also do them outside of therapy. Some bilateral stimulation exercises can be safely done on your own, e.g. tapping, walking, and listening to bilateral music. (If in doubt, please consult your therapist or doctor before trying them.)
Bilateral stimulation isn’t just for reducing anxiety, it can also be used to increase positivity. For example, sometimes before I start writing a blog, I’ll toss my squishy toy gently from left hand to right hand, back and forth, to fire up my brain and get the creative juices going.
You can find free bilateral resources including a playlist of bilateral music on my Resources page.
Step 3: Reflect and Recognize
Once we’ve taken a pause and prepared our minds, we’re in a better place to Reflect and Recognize our genuine wants and needs — like Sindy did.
For some folks, steps one and two are the hardest. For others, naming their needs is just as hard or even harder. If you’re having trouble Recognizing what you want, maybe these tips will help:
Do you need to give yourself permission to have wants and needs? Maybe you’ve always been told it’s selfish to think of yourself and give in to your desires. Or maybe you always had to defer to someone else if your needs conflicted with theirs. Either way, it might help to literally tell yourself a different story, like “I’m allowed to have wants” or “I give myself permission to want something different from ___”.
If saying “I want” or “I need” feels too uncomfortable for you, try saying “I’d like to”. Again, the stigma attached to expressing your true desires may be too overwhelming if you’ve always had to repress them. Saying “I like” or “I prefer” may be more accessible to you on your journey of self-discovery.
Still struggling to find the words for what you want? If so, check out this categorized list of common feelings and needs, also available on my Resources page.
Step 4: Assess
Now that you’ve self-reflected and recognized what you really, really want — what’s on your full menu of options?
Remember, your options can include things you don’t want — just like a restaurant can offer food you don’t like. And also like at a restaurant, there may be food (options) you wouldn’t normally choose for yourself, but for various reasons — a healthier diet, trying a new cuisine — you decide to choose that item anyway.
This step of Assessing involves the usual process of weighing pros and cons, with the added power of mindful self-awareness.
Because in a socially unjust world:
empowerment comes from knowing what you want more than doing whatever you want; and
liberation comes from freeing your mind of the oppressive narratives and performance standards you’ve been given.
So even without true freedom of choice, freedom of mind allows you to maintain your authentic beliefs and values — not because you can always follow them, but because you always know who you are, separate from who they want you to be.
Which then allows you to…
Step 5: Act with Authenticity
While acknowledging that your power and freedom is limited by inequity, you still have a decision to make: what do you choose to do?
All that work to Pause, Practice, Reflect, Recognize, and Assess is designed to give you more mental clarity and emotional capacity in this moment. Now that you’ve arrived at the final step, you can:
See all your options, even if they weren’t openly offered to you;
Separate your self-worth and identity from the world’s opinions and unfair expectations; and
Choose mindfully and intentionally, balancing your personal priorities and values with the reality of survival.
To me, that’s what it means to Act with Authenticity. It’s knowing what you truly believe and want for yourself — and that you deserve it — even if “they” don’t agree and won’t give it to you.
In Sindy’s case, she told me that if she had a do-over, she would offer a few vacation dates she was willing to give up because she truly wanted to attend the event. However, if her boss rejected those dates, she wouldn’t have gone at all.
More importantly, Sindy left our session feeling confident and ready to respond authentically the next time that work demands something of her she’s not willing to give—because she knows, as do you and I, that there will be a next time.
What does acting authentically look like for you?
The point of Sindy’s story isn’t about setting boundaries at work, or finding the right work-life balance.
The point I’m trying to make is that what’s “right” (or authentic) will be different for each of us, because we each have unique characteristics, contexts, and cultures that make up our intersectional identities.
Are you facing a situation where you have to make a choice between what you want (what you really, really want!) and what’s being asked of you?
If you want,(see what I did there?) I invite you try those five steps and see how they impact your options and ultimate decision.
And if you want, I invite you to email me and tell me what came up for you. I’d love to hear your thoughts and feedback!
What authenticity means to me
As we wrap up, I want to share a personal insight on authenticity—a definition that crystallized for me while I was speaking recently at a conference and an audience member asked, “What does being authentic mean to you?”
I have to admit, the question caught me off guard. While I’ve always believed in being authentic, I realized I hadn’t paused to articulate what it really meant. What emerged in that moment has stayed with me, and I’d like to offer it to you now:
“Authenticity is what you would say or do if you weren’t afraid of what anyone else thought. It’s how you would be if you believed that you’re good enough.” - Rosie Yeung
Even though I made it up on the spot, it really rang really true for me — and still does. It captures the hidden emotions that often undermine authenticity: shame, unworthiness, and fear.
What about you?
How would you define authenticity, and what it means to you?
What resonates for you from my definition, and what doesn’t?
Please feel free to share, I really, really want to know! 😄
Get in touch with me using this form or by emailing: hello[at]changinglenses.ca. I’m excited to hear from you!
CAUTION: The content in this blog is not intended as a replacement for, nor should it be construed as, counselling, therapy, psychiatric interventions, treatment for mental illness, or professional medical advice. It is shared for your consideration and informational purposes only, please read with judgment and discernment. If you need help in an emergency or are currently in crisis, please: 1) call 911; or 2) visit your local emergency department; or 3) contact a distress center near you.
References
Drakes-Tull, Shellene. “Companies Want Employees to ‘Bring Their Whole Selves to Work.’ For Black Professionals, That Can Be Risky.” The Globe and Mail, October 18, 2022. Updated October 20, 2022. Accessed September 3, 2025. https://www.theglobeandmail.com/business/article-companies-want-employees-to-bring-their-whole-selves-to-work-for-black/
Jones, Emilie Rose. “Procedural Memory.” The Decision Lab. Accessed September 3, 2025. https://thedecisionlab.com/reference-guide/psychology/procedural-memory
Mental Health First Aid (MHFA) England. My Whole Self. Accessed September 3, 2025. https://mhfaengland.org/my-whole-self/
Mental Health First Aid (MHFA) England. My Whole Self Research: No Time to Roll Back on EDI as Bias Persists. March 10, 2025. Accessed September 3, 2025. https://mhfaengland.org/mhfa-centre/news/My-Whole-Self-research-No-time-to-roll-back-on-EDI-as-bias-persists/
Mitchell, Rod. “The Proven Power of Bilateral Stimulation (and How to Self-Administer It).” Emotion Therapy Calgary. October 18, 2022. Accessed September 3, 2025. https://www.emotionstherapycalgary.ca/blog-therapy-calgary-emotions-clinic/bilateral-stimulation
Shatz, Carla J. “The Developing Brain.” Scientific American, September 1, 1992. https://www.scientificamerican.com/issue/sa/1992/09-01/
Squire, L. R., and A. J. Dede. “Conscious and Unconscious Memory Systems.” Cold Spring Harbor Perspectives in Biology 7, no. 3 (March 2, 2015): a021667. https://doi.org/10.1101/cshperspect.a021667
Thai, Linda. “Bilateral Music.” Linda Thai. February 22, 2022. Accessed September 3, 2025. https://www.linda-thai.com/blog/bilateral-music
Thai, Linda. “Somatic Exercises for Anxiety Relief.” Therapy Wisdom. May 19, 2025. Accessed September 3, 2025. https://therapywisdom.com/somatic-exercises-anxiety-thai/#:~:text=Bilateral%20stimulation%20through,pace%20before%20stopping
Zhang, X., B. Zong, W. Zhao, and L. Li. “Effects of Mind–Body Exercise on Brain Structure and Function: A Systematic Review on MRI Studies.” Brain Sciences 11, no. 2 (2021): 205. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7915202/